Portland begs people to visit in most nauseating poem ever

Posted on June 22, 2021 5:20 am

Portland begs people to visit in most nauseating poem ever

Staff Report

This jumble of words took up an entire page in the Sunday New York Times and San Francisco Chronicle and other major newspapers.

It’s a farce in three acts. First, someone wrote it. Second, someone thought it was good. Third, someone paid for numerous full page ads that run $50,000 to $200,000 or more a pop.

For more real news see our homepage, PressCalifornia.com.

Travel Portland admitted that it footed the bill, remarkable considering that the City of Roses, by any other name, smells just as rotten.

The tourism marketing firm even posted a video to go along with it, featuring the usual cast of unusual characters.

The stench from a year of riots, fires, murders, and Antifa tent cities is hard to erase with 23 lines of quirky bravado.

“Some of what you’ve heard about Portland is true. Some is not. What matters most is that we’re true to ourselves.”

Lol. It gets, um, worse.

“We have some of the loudest voices on the West Coast. And yes, passion pushes the volume all the way up. We’ve always been like this. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”

That the city tries to play the Precious Portland card at this point shows its people aren’t playing with a full deck.

Californians targeted by the ad were not impressed.

“What’s the pitch here? Come to Portland, we have faith in our future as our buildings burn?” Cerano Smith said.

“Dear Portland, I’ll take a pass,” Bill J. said.

Hat tip to reader Harold A., a friend of Nancy Pelosi, for sharing.

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Hormel Chavez
Hormel Chavez
11 days ago

People like me made them turn off the comments section. LOL

StopItNow
StopItNow
1 month ago

Sad, really. I visited Portland’s downtown for a conference several years ago. Several good breweries within a good walk’s distance. Not to mention Powell’s book store. Always planned to go back.

But when they embraced homocidal thugs, pyromaniacs and looters I struck the city off my list. For good.

Dave
Dave
2 months ago

Whoever said this commercial was nauseating knew exactly what they were talking about.

tforeman88
tforeman88
2 months ago

I must have missed the MAGA hat person.

William
William
2 months ago

WHY would Travel Portland pay for advertisements inviting MORE penniless druggie freaks to come pitch a tent. Do they really believe that tourists with morals and money want to vacation with violent crazies? Think about exactly what element you are inviting into your city. But then, you have to consider what kind of people run Portland. Then it all makes sense.

Squatch
2 months ago

To PC, why not put the original picture of the running ANTIFA guy who set himself on fire by Molotov Cocktail malfunction back up on this page?
It was so much more satisfying an image than views of generalized mayhem. We see those images of mayhem daily. It all looks the same.
Seeing a miscreant getting what he really deserves just makes me feel good all over and brightens my day, in general.

Squatch
2 months ago
Reply to  tippermart

Well played! Thanks for the memory! LOL

Hormel Chavez
Hormel Chavez
11 days ago
Reply to  Squatch

I had not remembered it but thanks for bringing it back in my life. lmao

B. E. Better
B. E. Better
2 months ago

Gomorrah by any other name, is still a hellish stink pit.

William Paul
William Paul
2 months ago

Someone somewhere is making a parody of this right now and it is going to be beautiful.

Hormel Chavez
Hormel Chavez
11 days ago
Reply to  tippermart

I’m dying…

Fkportland
Fkportland
2 months ago

Who would EVER visit this insane dangerous city? Surprised they even let people know there are whites in that dumpster fire.

Robert C
2 months ago

Portland… Come for the riots, stay for the fentanyl

Alison
Alison
2 months ago
Reply to  Robert C

Ow… Good one.

John Schilling
John Schilling
2 months ago

Too bad they didn’t include “Frying-pan Guy” and his Hit Parade!

Highrise
Highrise
2 months ago
Reply to  John Schilling

HAHA man that was hysterical.

Billybob
Billybob
2 months ago
Reply to  Highrise

DOING !!! 🙂

John Schilling
John Schilling
2 months ago

The big take-away is that they haven’t yet found a way to screw up that lovely mountain far off in the distance, so there’s that.

Isotope
Isotope
2 months ago

I think it’s gonna take something belt fed to clean up Portland.

Wild Bill
Wild Bill
2 months ago
Reply to  Isotope

Or something dropped from a B-52.

Arthur
Arthur
2 months ago

No thanks, I’m not going. I don’t support communism with my money. Not a dime. Suffer and dry up like a frozen wart.

Chas
Chas
2 months ago

“What matters most is that we’re true to ourselves.” That doesn’t speak well of “yourselves”… “We’re a place of dualities that are never polarities.” Was that line chanted while burning down local businesses? “You can speak here. You can be yourself here.” Unless you’re a conservative. In that case, shut up while we beat you up. “We have some of the loudest voices on the West Coast.” The fact that you think that’s a virtue screams more than you might want people to know. “We wouldn’t have it any other way.” Which is why people are staying away. GET A… Read more »

Belkabeast
Belkabeast
2 months ago

Visitors Bureau top 10 things to do in Portland! 10) Looting and rioting (fun for couples!). Incredible shopping discounts! 9) Sleeping in a tent out under the stars in a homeless encampment. 8) Shooting up fentanyl!7) Getting hooked on fentanyl! The gift that keeps on giving! You’ll be so happy you’ll never want to (or be able to) leave Portland. Yet another happy resident:) 6) Burning down police stations. Really enjoyable and popular local custom. 5) Getting stabbed or shot! Great way to meet locals in a hospital or morgue setting. 4) Getting spit on and called a racist! Tons… Read more »

Sunny
Sunny
2 months ago

Puck Fortland!

Squatch
2 months ago

“I JUST LOVE THE SMELL OF BURNING PANTIFANS AND BLOOMERS IN THE MORNING!”

Ray
Ray
2 months ago

Who wouldn’t want to be on vacation and have your car surrounded by an Antifa or BLM mob?

Ray
Ray
2 months ago

Wonder if the purple hair is natural

Ray
Ray
2 months ago

Definitely want to take a vacation in a city with daily riots.

LuscombeFLyer
LuscombeFLyer
2 months ago

“You can speak up here. You can be yourself here.”

Hahahaha! Only if you’re a far left lunatic! The voice of a purple-haired, gender-fluid , non-binary whose pronouns may be familiar only to Mork from Ork is welcomed, a straight, white, blue-collar, Christian guy and NRA life member; not so much.

John Henry
John Henry
2 months ago

Not Prose, Coffee table notes..

Bakderdash
Bakderdash
2 months ago

I’m a published writer, with several poems out in the world.

This isn’t poetry.

It isn’t even writing.

If someone were to bring this to a writers group, the consensus would be “you have a future in candle making”.

Belkabeast
Belkabeast
2 months ago
Reply to  Bakderdash

I disagree with the candle making! That would indicate a certain level of intelligence, planning and ability to create something of value. The “author” of the poem has none of those abilities!

Doc
Doc
2 months ago

Dear Portland. Your message says; ‘you can be yourself here’. I’m an older, white, male, Army vet, and self-made millionaire. I drive a red Dodge Ram 4×4 with a sticker of the American flag in my rear window. I’m wondering – what is my life expectancy in downtown Portland? Thank you very much.

John Steele
John Steele
2 months ago
Reply to  Doc

Thats why OR has CCW’s and open carry..

Belkabeast
Belkabeast
2 months ago
Reply to  Doc

Please let me know ahead of time if you decide to go. I’d like to get a life insurance policy on you first! I’ll even throw in a free “Trump 2024” flag for your truck.

Last edited 2 months ago by Belkabeast
Teatwaffle
Teatwaffle
2 months ago

U-HAUL will actually pay you to drive a rental truck “TO” Portland. They are like “gold” there… normal humans are all fleeing. You didn’t see a single “normal” in that film. Only freaks would see that ad and say: LET’S GO. Nobody wants to visit the west coast. In Boston, we give our bums non-refundable one way bus tickets to LA, SF, or Portland (their choice)… and a new blue tarp to live in… You camp in the city, you get arrested and all your stuff goes right to the dump.

pete bob
pete bob
2 months ago
Reply to  Teatwaffle

OK! That’s it! We gonna send all our nut jobs on busses to Boston. Please beat the living sh!t out of them!!.

Nonna
Nonna
2 months ago

Trying to justify the crime and rioting by way of poem. How nauseating is that bs? oh my freakin’ god.
I’ve always hated ptown, now there aren’t words to accurately describe the disgust. Those in leadership positions that enabled and encouraged this s— should be done away with permanently.

ronb39339
ronb39339
2 months ago

We’re awaiting the response video showing the true Portland.

Dave
Dave
2 months ago

The text at the end of the video should be “This was Portland” instead of “This is Portland“. No way I’m ever going to visit that hellhole…

Highrise
Highrise
2 months ago
Reply to  Dave

I know..there is like nothing to visit lol.

KenHorse
KenHorse
2 months ago

Come to Portland and Burn. Loot and Murder! Ted Wheeler approved!~

Zig Zag
Zig Zag
2 months ago

Nothing like the smell of urine, the visual appeal of drug addicts with needles hanging out of their arms and those 300 pound pink haired beauties screaming patriarchy!

Gwen
Gwen
2 months ago

I used to live there..25 years to be exact..Back in 94 it was a super fun city to have dinner and walk brew pub to brew pub..Awesome fish places like Jakes then go dancing all night…Never worried about being harassed or looted…You could walk to water park frontage and just watch people having fun..The shopping was out of this world cause so many varieties of places to shop that where Mom an Pop shops..I remember one year they ran out a mink store I was like why? O well this will fade away..It Didn’t it just got worse every year..The… Read more »

showandtell
showandtell
2 months ago
Reply to  Gwen

Huber’s, Powell’s Books, Multnomah Falls an hour away.
Such a shame.

Deplorable Bob
Deplorable Bob
2 months ago

I’m calling that festering cesspool of leftism Abortland.

It should be removed from the nation’s body and flushed down the Columbia to the Pacific.

Edward Cassidy
Edward Cassidy
2 months ago

never, ever, going to Portland. I don’t need getting my a.. beat by a bunch of ANTIFA THUGS.

william tell
william tell
2 months ago

sorry, I will never, never, ever visit again. Antifa and Burn, Loot, Murder have destroyed large parts of the city and the homeless have utterly taken over. I used to go for concerts and Saturday Market; after seeing the city decline into a sewer and then personally witnessing an antifa riot my mind was made up. The woke marxist radicals and racists can HAVE it. Liberal utopia. Enjoy. Just don’t move to my state; we have the second amendment where I live.

DJT
DJT
2 months ago

So after a year of riots, crime, arson, looting and homeless camps, you want white angry republicans to go to your town and bail you out once again. wallow in it.

Steve
Steve
2 months ago

The video in this article would have been more appropriate if the camera just focused on a pile of human feces, with the voice saying, “yep, this is Portland.”

Alison
Alison
2 months ago
Reply to  Steve

They really needed to show the b-roll footage from last year. More appropriate than this homage to the Portlandia show.

Alison
Alison
2 months ago

We normally make a trip up to Camano Island, WA about early July to visit friends and family. Right now, it’s a hard NO. I suppose we could avoid Portland by going along the coast, but, I’m not even sure we’re up for that. I don’t feel like dealing with Seattle, either.

Banjo Boi
Banjo Boi
2 months ago

Dear Portland,
Piss off!

Sud1
Sud1
2 months ago

I’m pretty sure the white conservative side of Portland’s coin they don’t give a flying f*** about

Pat
Pat
2 months ago

Let me see. Visit Portland or Colonoscopy? *calls doctor*

showandtell
showandtell
2 months ago
Reply to  Pat

LOL

Alison
Alison
2 months ago
Reply to  Pat

Beautiful comment.

Nondescript
Nondescript
2 months ago

I know people who visit Portland regularly. I think it’s mostly because here if they riot, attack police, burn s… and loot, they will be arrested.

Sean Jay
Sean Jay
2 months ago

This ad is for those that don’t know Portland. Thankfully I moved out of there over 20 years ago. Wonder how many idiots they’ll reel in.

LaCross
LaCross
2 months ago

All the lipstick, gaslighting and Kool-aid in the world will not erase what we witnessed with our own eyes. We saw a city burn, while terrorists wrought havoc, as a leftist city government did nothing.

Fred Stevens
Fred Stevens
2 months ago

LOL yeah the visit Portland marketing organization has a long uphill climb to get any tourism back to that town.

Let’s not pretend. Democrats ruined Portland. It’s now a cesspool. Tourists are not safe in Portland. “White” people are not safe in Portland.

Alison
Alison
2 months ago
Reply to  Fred Stevens

For Portland’s tourism marketing department:
Not do you have to find that pony in the pile of poop, you have to make the poor beast carry you up that pile that’s as tall as Mount St. Helens. And, you don’t want to be there when it erupts again. Just saying.

Ming
Ming
2 months ago

Here’s a poem for your consideration.

Roses are red
Violets are blue.
Our stores are on fire
And the sidewalks are full of poo.

BradleyS
BradleyS
2 months ago

There must be something in the air in Portland. Whenever I have to go their, only for business never pleasure, I can feel my IQ drop by at least 30 points. The best part about visiting Portland is leaving.

Mehitable Storm
Mehitable Storm
2 months ago

Lot of Satanism in the PNW. Something’s attracting them there. Like flies.

william tell
william tell
2 months ago

Polygamy and “throuples” are all the rage with the millenials too. A former coworker’s kids are involved in such things. “Everyone does it”.

Highrise
Highrise
2 months ago

Grew up in WA state in Rochester…very tiny town off of 3 logging roads. Lots of private space, lots of country…ability to hide dark things. You are correct….

Jer
Jer
2 months ago

Hilarious! This only serves to show how tone-deaf they are in Portland.